When I reflect upon the past 4-5 months of my life, the first thing that comes to mind is that video of Kylie Jenner talking about how 2016 was the year of "realizing things." Well, these last few months have definitely been my time of "realizing things" too. So shout-out to you Kylie, for being so dang relatable. Anyways, I wanted to hop on Making Joy and Bliss to write about something that has been on my heart recently. Something that challenges me to be extremely vulnerable, but also something that I believe many girls can relate to, and if not, they might in the future.
So, relationships are tricky. They come and go, they make a real impact on one's life. They can cause great joy but in some cases, confusion and frustration. This, however, is one of the reasons we date different people in life; to find what's important to us as women. I try my best to remember that no relationship is a failure just because it doesn't work out. Every relationship is a valuable lesson. With that being said, I want to reflect upon a recent relationship that I was in because it was extremely different than my previous ones, and I believe that what I have come to "realize" (thanks, Kylie) needs to be shared so that other girls don't feel as if they're alone.
Let me just start by saying that it is a-okay to have a completely different personality type from your boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, whatever. One of you can be quiet and shy, one of you loud and bubbly. One of you into science, one of you into history. One of you who grew up in one type of home life, and one of you in another. Those differences are what make a relationship unique and special.
However, here's the important part- what I "realized." If you start using these differences as excuses for the other person's hurtful actions, you need to draw the line. Never ever ever let someone that you're in a relationship with tell you how to act. If he kicks you under the table when you're telling a story, or tells you that you're being "too much," he's wrong. I recently watched a YouTube video by one of my favorites, Katy Bellotte titled "I'm 'Too Heavy'". She talked about a previous relationship as well and how she always felt as if her personality was "too much" "too heavy." Something she said hit me hard-
"I'm not too much. He is simply too little."
After being in a relationship where I felt like I was always living in someone's shadow and being torn down for who I was, what Katy said opened my eyes to the fact that you should never apologize for being who you want to be in a relationship. Of course, you should know when it's necessary to apologize. Mistakes are inevitable in relationships, but you should never let someone make you feel inadequate. Being yourself is not a mistake. If you feel as if you're too much, know that he's not your person. One day you'll meet a boy who is just right, and your "too much" will become the "just right."
I don't exactly know what it was that made me recognize my worth and the respect that I deserve in a relationship. Maybe it was the excitement of the summer and the break from school. Maybe it was getting back to my home life and seeing my parents interact- how their 21-year long marriage is built on respect and love for each other's true selves. Something hit me like a ton of bricks though, and I have never felt freer since I started focusing on pleasing myself and God instead of a boyfriend.
"Free" is the word that comes to mind throughout all of this. I feel as if I can tell stupid jokes without the fear of someone I thought I loved telling me to "tone it down." I can wear what I want without wondering if he'll say something mean about my outfit. I can go out to different events and not be constantly checking up to see if he's having an okay time.
This relationship made me realize so many crucial things. This is why I said no relationship is a mistake. This relationship was a lesson, just like all of my other ones. I saw that my worth does not come from a boyfriend, it only comes from God and that He has made me exactly the way He intended me to be without question.
So when you feel unappreciated by a boy, or when you feel like you're just there for show. When you feel like he doesn't value your time and love or when he stops pursuing you. Stop everything and ask yourself if you deserve to feel this way. Because you don't. Life is way too short, There is too much to see and experience on this Earth, and you don't need a boy who doesn't want to see it all with you too. You deserve a boy who adores you and does everything he can to protect your fragile heart. Somone who stands proudly next to you wearing the biggest smile. Someone who doesn't care what you wear. Someone who laughs at the stories you tell when you're out with friends instead of kicking you under the table.
You deserve to be someone's everything.
I hope you realize that, girls.