It's Not Me, It's You.


This isn't a post about how to handle rejection (because I'm still figuring that out myself), or even how to handle heartbreak. This post has been a jumbled mess in the "draft" section of my blog for weeks now, and I woke up last night at 3am because I had the words to finish it.

When I think about the attitude I have towards this post, "girl boss/I don't need a man to complete me" is all that comes to mind. The title kind of shows that. I don't know about you, but I've gotten into this habit of blaming rejection in friendships or other relationships ending, on myself. Sometimes, it's appropriate to do so, and I will end up growing from the lesson learned at that time. Where the problem occurs is when an event or person begins to defeat you. 

Real life example that I'm partially embarrassed to share, but I feel like in order to be real I have to. It goes like this: Cute guy (6'5"-- ladies you understand the attraction). Good at flirting-- says all the right things. We have the same interests. We talk for weeks and weeks. We hang out, blah blah blah. Next thing I know, he's gone. M.I.A. No texts, no calls, no Snaps, whatever. You know how it goes. Next thing I know, I'm sitting with my best friend picking myself apart. "What did I do wrong?" "Was I too much? Not enough?" "Did he find someone better?" "Did I say something wrong?" 

It's exhausting to completely disect every moment and feel badly for hurting. From what I've heard, almost every single girl has these "what did I do wrong with him" moments. This post is to put a necessary twist on the classic, "It's not you, it's me" because sometimes, it is in fact them. It is their problem. Really, the reason that someone treats you so poorly doesn't mean that there's an issue with you. Sadly, it means they have an insecurity or problem that they need to take care of on their own before they can give someone the respect and kindness that everyone deserves. 

I'm so tired of friendships and relationships ending without explanation, leaving one person being left saying "well where did I go wrong." People who are respectful and caring of others understand the importance of communication. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everything is going to always work out perfectly. Not everyone is compatible. But I am becoming more aware of this trend that it's seemingly okay to leave someone that you once cared about, out to dry.

Now that this partial rant is over. Here's the real point. 

So, next time that you're sitting with your bestie after being blindsided by someone else's inability to communicate their thoughts and/or feelings, remember: you deserve people in your life who want to invest in you just as much as you do them. And sometimes, actually oftentimes, people need to work things out within themselves before they can spread true kindness, love, frienship, and joy. Whatever you do, don't settle for people who flee without reason just to leave them in the dust. God has more for you in store than that.