"Molly, it is okay to talk about what you're going through." These words came from my mom during a time I thought my world was crashing down. A few days ago I finally accepted the fact that I simply cannot have it all together all the time. I also learned that I have to allow others to help me. I have always tried to be the comforter. I've attempted to be the supplier of infinite hugs and reminders that "the best is yet to come." I also end up doubting God's faithfulness. I begin asking questions like, "Why is this happening to me?" "How long will this last?" "When will I feel like the old me again?" No matter how strong my relationship with God is, I still find myself forgetting to give all of my worries to Him. It's easy to get so wrapped up in how it seems as if everything is falling apart. It's even easier to slip into a dark place of pushing others away. I spent the last 6 weeks wondering why I couldn't escape the things that were bringing me down. I could barely recognize myself. I lost the majority of the joy I had worked so hard to achieve in my life. I didn't appreciate all the wonderful things that surrounded me. No matter how hard I tried, it was just easier to wear a mask and pretend to be happy than to turn to my friends, family, and especially my God.
Finally, my Bible was back in my hands towards the final week of Christmas break. I thought I'd share the verses that picked me up. The ones filled my heart with joy and comfort again as I begin this final semester of my Freshman year of college.
"When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought me joy."
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand."
"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life."
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world"
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."
6 weeks ago I was desperate for comfort. I was full of doubt and yearned for normalcy. After experiencing these trials I can confidently say I am stronger than I was before. I have a new attitude towards life's struggles, and once again, am reminded of God's incredible promises to me. Just when I thought everything was falling apart, it was actually falling into place.